Divorce Book | Best Book on Divorce. Find Divorce Tips and Guide

Divorce is a complex area of the law, and one that varies depending on the jurisdiction in which the case is being hears, which is usually the jurisdiction of domicile for the defender or defendant in the given action. Whilst no two sets of divorce laws are identical across jurisdictional borders, most abide by certain general principles and overarching rules that should be considered when embarking on pre-divorce haggling and the court process itself, wherever you live, to avoid any dissatisfactory outcome or to prevent disappointment following the court order when it is finally granted at the end of the case.

Grounds For Divorce

Most jurisdictions require that before a divorce can be sanctioned, there be a reason for the divorce that is both legally valid and accepted. Common grounds for divorce include adultery, the commission of a crime against the other spouse, or more commonly some general provision about the unworkability of the marriage, whether as a result of a gradual deterioration in personal relationships or simply as a result of a significant row or fight. Of course where this is disputed the court will look into the matter and rule accordingly, although most jurisdictions do now have some form of general, uncontestable provision like a simple ‘breakdown of marriage’ clause.

Length Of Marriage

In most instances there will be a minimum default length of time marriages must run for before a divorce can be sanctioned. Whilst in certain occasions there are no minimums, most jurisdictions impose a two year rule, or a five year rule, by which the court must abide in granting any decree of separation. This is designed to protect the sanctity of marriage to at least a certain degree and to ensure that people do understand prior to getting married that there is a legal tie-in period, on public policy grounds. However this area of divorce law in particular is rapidly changing, and may ultimately find itself out of favour worldwide.

Fairness

In terms of any settlement there is usually an overriding principle of fairness adopted by the courts in working out who gets what. Of course there may very well be strict legal rules as to what is decided but, particularly in common law systems, there is an overall consideration of what is fair on both parties and what is just or equitable given the circumstances of the split. Obviously as an area of personal life, the courts will look to attempt to gain the best possible ground for both parties, even where one party is staunchly opposed to the other gaining any ground whatsoever. For this reason it’s probably best to save everyone the hassle and agree on something that is objectively fair from the outset.

Division Of Property

Of course, one of the major issues arising from divorce is that of division of property. Whilst it is different in each jurisdiction, the higher earner or higher net wealth spouse can expect to lose out overall to the other spouse, provided there have been no pre nuptial agreements drafted to the contrary. As a result, it’s again probably best to go for an out of court solution if you think this may end up affecting your financial health.

After divorce, we often hear people tell us, “Time heals all wounds,” or “Just give it some time,” or “You’ll feel better in the morning?” Used like this, time is seen as some type of healing source. But is it, really? Will the passage of time really “heal all our wounds?” Will it actually bring happiness to our life after divorce? Or is there more to it than that?

1. An Example of How Time Alone Does Not Heal the Pain of Divorce

Faye, my sister-in-law, was a teacher and school administrator. When I met her, she had already been divorced for five years. She had gotten the house, the kids, the car – and the humiliation of having her ex, also a school administrator in the same school system, leave her for one of Faye’s teaching colleagues. For the next fifteen years, Faye only mentioned her ex and his wife in derogatory or cynical terms. She threw herself into her work. She tried to begin new relationships – all to no avail. She died an early death from cancer without ever getting past the personal hurt and public mortification the divorce caused.

2. Another Example of How Time Alone Does Not Heal the Pain of Divorce

The daughter of a divorced man, Robert, approached me to help her dad recover from his divorce. He and his wife argued over renting out the basement in their house. He opposed renting it. She rented it anyway to a single mother with an infant. One day the renter’s ex came to the house and murdered his former wife and child. Robert could not take it and divorced her. He took the divorce hard. He isolated himself from his friends and family and started drinking heavily. How long he had been divorced? 13 years!

3. Time Alone Will Not Heal the Pain of Your Divorce

If time is supposed to heal all wounds, shouldn’t 13 to 20 years surely be enough! They weren’t. Time alone heals nothing. Andy Warhol, of all people, got it right when he observed, “They say that time changes things, but actually you have to change them yourself.” It is not time per s

Numerous industries have felt the financial pinch in a wide variety of ways, as the long tentacles of the credit squeeze continue to reach out. An unexpected decrease has been in the number of divorces and separations, as fewer couples opt to file for divorce. Is it just that the financial crisis has made it much harder for couples to sell jointly owned homes, plus the greater difficulty of funding two separate households?

Grant Thornton’s recently surveyed matrimonial lawyers across the globe. Of the 20,000 surveyed, over half said the number of divorces have decreased. One of the partners of Grant Thornton’s Forensic and Investigation Service, Robert Kerr, said, “The reasons for the drop vary but certainly the financial carve-up that follows divorce settlements will be at the forefront of a couple’s minds when contemplating divorce”.

“For many spouses, the divorce process involves a great deal of long-term planning and waiting for better economic terms is often just another element of the overall process”, says Gary Nickelson, President of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, (AAML). “A dramatic drop in the net worth of a couple can effectively postpone the final decision from being made”.

Britain’s Office for National Statistics revealed earlier this year that the number of divorces had dropped from 12.2% in 2006, to 11.9% in 2007. This is a 26 year low, while AAML stated that there was an overall 27% lowering in the number of registered divorces.

A continuous decrease in divorces in the past seven years has been reported in Australia. The divorce rate is 23.6% lower than it was in 1986.

“The rate of marriage has dropped and therefore the rate of divorce has also dropped”, claims Julian Lipson, a British lawyer.

Other authorities say the lower numbers of divorce are a direct reflection of 40 years of increasing government spending, treating the effects of broken homes and formulating a cultural alteration in attitudes towards marriage.

Is the world really heading for longer-lasting marriages, are couples pulling together more, or is it simply that financial considerations are at the base of the trend?

You don’t have to look very far to see the long term effects of divorce on children. Single parent homes and particularly fatherless homes create a difficult environment for successful parenting. Tragically, single parent homes often take a heavy toll on children.

According to the US census bureau, fatherless homes account for 90% of homeless and runaway children, 85% of children with behavior problems, 85% of youths in prison, 71% of high school dropouts, 63% of youth suicides and well over 50% of teen mothers.

And if that’s not enough to convince you of the long term effects of divorce on children, consider this. Seventy percent of long-term prison inmates grew up in broken homes. That’s 7 out of every 10!

Behavioral problems are common among children from broken homes. These problems often start with a fundamental expression of anger because they feel trapped by their parent’s demands, robbed of their separate identity and denied the care-free lifestyle of a child.

But there is a way to curb the long term effects of divorce on children. There are important steps you can take to help insure that your children do not become a negative statistic.

Having both biological parents in a unified and active role with their children is clearly the best of all worlds. But if a divorce is in the making, or if a divorce has become inevitable, take the necessary steps to help protect your children from the emotional trauma associated with divorce.

Use this link to get more information on the long term effects of divorce on children or visit http://www.squidoo.com/long-term-effects-of-divorce-on-children-FAQs.

In the case where you are considering divorce, almost regardless of the reasons behind your decision, it is important that you be aware of just what is involved in obtaining a divorce in the US.

In general, the laws of each state set out specific reasons for a divorce which have to be proven before the court is allowed to grant it. This can be under a no-fault heading, an all-fault heading, and a summary heading. In recent years some less adversarial ways to approach to divorce settlements have emerged, like mediation and collaborative divorce, to negotiate mutually acceptable resolutions to conflicts for a couple.

At-fault divorces were originally the only way to dissolve a marriage, and people who had differences or problems were only able to separate, and were prevented from legally remarrying afterward. The state of New York is the only one which still requires fault to obtain a divorce. In an at-fault divorce, one party usually brings divorce proceedings against the other due to some breech of marriage regulations like adultery, abandonment or cruelty.

Comparative rectitude is the name given to a doctrine used to determine which spouse is more at fault in divorce proceedings when both spouses are found to be guilty of breaches. This kind of divorce can affect the distribution of property, and will allow an immediate divorce, especially in states where there is a waiting period required to obtain a no-fault divorce. A defense for this type of divorce can turn out to be expensive and is not usually practical since most divorces are eventually granted anyway, especially when a society comparable to that in the US is not interested in forcing people to remain married any longer. Remember, marriage in the US also has legal ramifications, so if you do not want to be married anymore, you need to get divorced, it is much more than simply taking the mental attitude of no longer being married.

Under a no-fault divorce set of rules, a marriage partner does not need to show that the other marriage partner did anything, or was at fault in order to obtain a divorce. Many common reasons for no-fault divorce can be incompatibility, irreconcilable differences, and irremediable breakdown of the marriage. In the United States, currently 49 states have adopted no-fault divorce laws.

In states that grant no-fault divorces, there may be a waiting period of up to a year before the divorce is considered final. Other requirements include mandatory counseling to see if reconciliation can be achieved if one party does not agree to the divorce, either dependent on an amount of time set by the court, or for a predetermined amount before the divorce may even be applied for,

A summary (or simple) divorce, available in some jurisdictions, is used when spouses meet certain requirements for eligibility, or can agree on important issues beforehand like if it was a marriage lasting under 5 years, there were no children (or, in some states, the couple have resolved custody and set payments for child support), there was minimal or no real property (there was no mortgage on a house or condo), the property owned by the married couple is under a threshold (around $35,000, not including vehicles), and the personal property of each spouse is under a set threshold (typically the same amount as marital property). A simple divorce where both couples agree on how the divorce should be handled and assets divided is also known as an uncontested divorce.

It is estimated that in the US upwards of 95% of all divorces are uncontested, since the two parties are able to come to an agreement (with or without lawyers/mediators) about the property, children and support issues. When the parties are able to agree and present the court with a fair and equitable agreement, approval of the divorce is almost certain. In the case where the two partners cannot come to an agreement, they may ask the court to decide how to fairly split property, deal with children and custody issues, and so forth.

Residency requirements to file for a divorce vary from state to state. In some states, like Colorado, residency requirements are very liberal to accommodate military personnel who have to move often for tours of duty, while other states, like New York, require that you live in them for a minimum of a year with the intention of making this your permanent state of residence. A spouse may separate, move to a state with divorce laws of their choice, establish residency, and file. However, this typically does not change the state in which property and other issues are decided, and it is possible for a court to decide not to hear a petition for divorce if it decides that it does not have legal jurisdiction to do so based on residency issues.

A final consideration to be made when considering where/if to file for divorce is the laws concerning the distribution of property and division of assets. States like Alabama are considered to be an “equitable distribution” state which means that all property acquired during the marriage is divided equally among the two parties. In other states, like California, assets can be awarded to a spouse from the other based on economic need, and in still others, like Alaska, even though it is an equitable distribution state, in some jurisdictions in the state, women have little or no rights to marital property. In some states, alimony is awarded to the stay-at-home spouse, where in others, alimony is paid by the spouse making the most to the spouse making the least, despite the one needing to get child support because they have actual custody.

Divorce is rising all around the world. There are, however, some places where it is still fairly rare. Generally divorce has become more acceptable but there are trends as to which countries it is more common in. Some geographical areas seem to have higher divorce rates than others while different lifestyles seem to have their impact as well.

India and Sri Lanka are the two countries that have the lowest divorce rates, around one and one and a half per cent respectively. In this part of Asia divorce is still very rare, although it is more common in South East Asia. In India, for example, arranged marriage is still fairly prominent although not as common as it once was. Divorce is not deemed as acceptable as it is in other cultures and therefore many either make a concerted effort to work through relationship problem or remain in unhappy marriages. This is much less common in parts of Europe and North America. There are two ways of looking at this. It might be considered a positive that people do not get divorced as soon as any problems occur in a marriage, something that is considered by many to be a negative of the American family law system, where it can be very easy to obtain a divorce should you wish to. However it could also be considered a negative if people remain in unhappy marriages just because they feel that it is wrong to divorce.

No European countries have anywhere near the same low divorce rates. The lowest divorce rates in Europe are Macedonia and Bosnia with five per cent, nearly five times more than India. Much of the rest of Europe have much higher rates than this. There is a similar trend in North America. Sweden and the United States have the highest divorce rates, both with nearly fifty-five per cent of marriages ending this way. Northern Europe, especially Scandinavia, have particularly high rates. As mentioned above Sweden has the worlds highest, with Finland, Denmark and Norway all at over forty per cent. Other European countries such a Luxembourg, Belgium, Russia, the United Kingdom, Germany and France also have a high rate of divorce.

Although many of the statistics in Europe are high the Mediterranean countries do not follow this trend, with Italy, Spain and Greece having less divorces than most of the continent. This could be due to their lifestyles. Much of their culture revolves around the family, with large families often spending a large amount of time together. Due the importance put of family values, divorce may not seem as much of an option to those in these countries.

Andrew Marshall ©

Divorce Lawyer London

Divorce Solicitors London

The effects of divorce on children could be massive, but this could be helped. The most common causes for divorce are family problems, physical or emotional abuse, extramarital affairs, work stress and vices. Below are types of divorces you might want to familiarize with:

· Legal divorce – is the lawful end of your marriage where you are allowed to remarry.

· Economic divorce – involves the splitting of assets i.e.: money and property.

· Co-parental divorce – is a type of divorce where both parents agree to support their child even though they no longer have spousal support for each other.

Common effects of divorce on children are psychological problems, poor intellectual development and affected parent-child relationships.

Psychological Effects:

The psychological effects of divorce on children can affect children as young as 6 years of age. Young children can develop anxiety disorders where they experience overwhelming fear of being abandoned. Their feelings of isolation and sadness can also manifest through other problems such as eating disorders.

Poor Intellectual Development:

Children of divorced parents usually display insecurity, neediness, irritability and a constant craving for attention. These types of behavior consequently lead to aggressiveness towards peers, resulting in poor relationships with others. A child’s cognitive skills can also become poor. His or her overall academic performance suffers, thus leading to low self-worth and depression later in life.

Affected Parent-Child Relationships:

Oftentimes children will blame themselves for what happened between their parents. They also start to question their moral values and become either rebellious or overly obedient at any point in time.

The effects of divorce on children and teens could be negative or positive depending on the child’s coping strategies. Teens often engage in extravagant, promiscuous activities and form no concept of an ideal parent. They themselves are distressed about their future career, marriage and kids. But some do take this as a learning experience and attempt to make better decisions in the future.

Here are common concerns experienced by children of divorced parents:

· Financial worries – Children are especially worried about their future career and finances if they feel that their parents divorced because of money problems.

· Marital concerns – Children usually view failed relationships as somehow having an association with their parents’ failed relationship. Because of this, they tend to question marriage a lot in fear of mirroring their parents’ divorce.

· Role or status anxiety – Children can also try to play the role of either parent in attempts to “mend” their parents’ problems. This is considered to be unhealthy especially in adolescents.

How to Relieve the Negative Effects of Divorce on Children:

Allow your child to speak openly to friends, family members or counselors regarding the divorce in the family. Most children react towards divorce by spending more time outside their home. This can have a good effect, but it can also put them in a vulnerable position where less discipline can lead to drug or alcohol abuse. You should therefore still draw some boundaries and continue building a relationship with your child.

Divorce is a painful and extremely difficult process. Knowing how divorce laws function and understanding the court’s role in a divorce can help to make this transition smoother and easier, however.

Divorce laws govern the dissolution of a marriage. Every country has its own laws regarding divorce and, in fact, divorce laws can vary from state to state or province to province within a nation. Knowing your jurisdiction’s divorce laws can keep a bad situation from becoming worse, and save you future turmoil.

In the United States, divorce laws, in general, provide two basic forms of divorce: fault based and no-fault based. However, even in some jurisdictions whose divorce laws do not require a party to claim fault of their partner, a court may still take into account the behavior of the parties when dividing property, debts, evaluating custody, and support.

Fault-based divorces can be contested and may involve allegations of collusion of the parties, connivance, or provocation by the other party.

In a no-fault divorce, the dissolution of a marriage does not require an allegation or proof of fault of either party. Forty-nine states have adopted no-fault divorce laws, with grounds for divorce including incompatibility, irreconcilable differences, and irremediable breakdown of the marriage. New York is the sole exception divorce laws there still require a proof of fault.

About 95 percent of divorces in the US are “uncontested,” because the two parties are able to work out an arrangement concerning property, debt, children and support issues. When the parties can agree and present the court with a fair and equitable agreement, approval of the divorce is almost guaranteed. If the parties can’t work out their differences, divorce laws govern the fair and equitable disposition of these issues.

Divorce laws generally recognize two types of property during property division proceedings – marital property and separate property. Marital property consists of property that the spouses acquire individually or jointly during the course of marriage. Under divorce laws, separate property constitutes any property that one spouse purchased and possessed prior to the marriage and that did not substantially change in value during the course of the marriage because of the efforts of one or both spouses. Under modern divorce laws, separate property is returned to its original owner, while marital property is divided according to negotiated settlement and what the court deems equitable.

In cases involving children, divorce laws attempt to ensure the matter does not spill over into the family court system. In many jurisdictions, divorce laws require divorcing parents to submit a parenting plan spelling out each party’s rights and responsibilities.

Divorce laws also provide for the establishment of alimony, often depending on the length of the marriage and other factors. Spousal support is becoming less common, however, as more women are entering the workforce and earning their own income.

Recovery from divorce is hard. The good news is YOU CAN DO IT. In fact, with some focused effort and a little help, you can recover from divorce faster than you ever thought possible. Making a successful recovery from divorce requires both insight and action. The following tips highlight the most important insights and actions necessary.

TIP #1 – You are not unusual – You are not alone.

Statistically, there are a lot of us. 40% of first marriages and 60% of all remarriages eventually end in divorce. Emotionally, everyone is pretty much in the same boat. Ambivalence rules the day. Roller coasters are the preferred method of emotional transport. Realistically, anyone you know whose has gone through, or is going through a divorce, can identify with the reactions you are having. You are not alone.

TIP #2 – You can make a successful recovery from divorce because you have done it before.

You say you haven’t been divorced before? Doesn’t matter. All transitions force us to go through the same process of change – whether it is losing a job, getting married, starting a family, death of a loved one. Whatever. What we’ve learned from these life experiences we can apply to making it through our current transition through divorce.

TIP #3 – You already possess all the personal resources necessary to recover from divorce.

Confidence, a sense of direction, and hope seem to be the first to go when trying to recover from a divorce. But, not to worry. You already have the ability to deal with it. More specifically, we gain confidence from successfully navigating past major life transitions. We find stability of direction from our unique set of personal principles. We obtain courage to press on from our personal sources of hope. And, we obtain reassurance that we are on the right track through a sense of gratitude for the good present in the current situation

TIP #4 – You need to recruit at lease one “Change Buddy” for social support and feedback.

We need to find people (or at least one person) we can lean on for emotional support and count on for objective feedback while we make our recovery from divorce. These folks must have two important characteristics. They must have no personal agenda and they must be able to be honest with you. Only then can you count on their feedback as being objective.

TIP #5 – You can and must dissolve the massive resistance to change that comes with divorce.

Fear, loss, and uncertainty about what to do next sabotage our efforts to make a victorious recovery from divorce. However, we can handle our fear of the unknown future if we have a plan. We can let go of how things used to be – even the good stuff – when we realize there is even more good stuff in the next chapter of our life after divorce. And, we can resolve our rational reservations for making a recovery with old-fashioned problem solving.

TIP #6 – You can and must use what you have learned from going through the divorce process to make your recovery successful.

Only by using your experience to clarify your future requirements, needs, and wants for our life after divorce, can you capitalize on the great opportunity divorce offers. These learnings apply to your entire life including finances, health, relationships, and self expression.

TIP #7 – You must lay the groundwork for the many changes that must occur in order to make a successful divorce recovery.

Divorce brings change in our relationships, our health, our financial situation, and our opportunities for creativity and self expression. A successful divorce recovery demands that we attend to and plan for this wide range of changes in order to fully and joyously embrace the next chapter in our life after divorce.

Typically a marriage always starts on a happy note. Both couples are falling in love to each other and the early marriage life is really beautiful. They feel that they are really blessed because they have found a partner for life. This scenario happens repetitively, but unfortunately it also can potentially end in a disaster. Many couples experience negative changes in their marriages after several years. Their happy early marriage lives are replaced by many arguments and fights. Each couple cannot stand each other anymore and they cannot stay under the same roof with arguing to each other. In the end, they feel that the situation has become unbearable and they decide to go for a divorce.

If you notice, the divorce rate has increased significantly over the years. Today’s society is not the same as the older generations. These days, people do not think highly of a marriage. They don’t care much about the vows that they have said in their wedding day. The old culture where husband and wife live together until death do they part does not mean much for them. What has gone wrong with the new generations? Why do they easily consider a divorce? Why can’t they follow the foot steps of the grandparents?

Our older generations can be considered more successful when it comes to a marriage. They married only once and they stayed together through good and bad times. Of course they also faced problems in their marriage life, but they worked hand in hand with their spouse to solve those problems. It is such an unfortunate that people have left this beautiful culture behind. The situation has completely changed nowadays and the divorce rate has neared the fifty percent mark. To make it worse, the trend is still pointing up.

There are several reasons that cause this situation. The most obvious reason is that the world has changed over the years. This is not the same world where our grandparents have lived before. Nowadays people are taught to be independent. People have learnt that freedom is the right of every individual. This new teaching sounds good, but it also has caused people to be more selfish.

Daily problems are another reason that has pushed the divorce rate up. Problems are becoming more and more complex. Stress and pressure invade every marriage life. People are exposed continually to stressful environments. This situation creates strain in a marriage and it is easy for people to act irrationally. People are getting angry easily and heated arguments can spark at any time.

Another reason that causes the increase of the divorce rate is the high level of temptation. As you can observe, porn is easily accessible nowadays. Moreover, clothing design has changed considerably from the past. Now people need to show more skin and curve in order to look beautiful and sexy. It is not surprising to find out that there are many people who are trapped by these temptations.

Among those reasons, perhaps the biggest reason of rising divorce rate is the process of divorce itself which has become much simpler these days. Billboards and ads are everywhere showing lawyers who can help people get a divorce. In fact, some of those ads are encouraged people to get a divorce for a better life. The world has really changed for the worse. A marriage is considered as an outdated concept and a divorce is the new trend.

However, you know better than to follow this negative trend. You can choose and you will choose wisely. Stay committed to your marriage and remember the promises that you have said to your spouse. Work together to solve marriage problems and keep maintaining the first love that you experienced when you just got married. If you keep doing this, you will find that a divorce is actually absolutely necessary.